THE SLEEPY CROW
thinking about thinking
2025.06.09 (updated 2025.07.09)
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In one of ploum's blog posts[0], he talks about playing a chess computer game in the 90s. when he turned the difficulty to a higher level, he started playing better:

"Even as a young teenager, I quickly understood the reason. With the setting set to "hard", the game would try harder to find a good move. On my 386 processor, without the mathematical coprocessor, this would take time. Several seconds or even one minute by turn. During that time, I was thinking, anticipating.

With the easiest setting, computer moves would happen immediately. I knew I had all the time I wanted but I was compelled to move fast. I could not take the time while the other side was immediately reacting to my moves."
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I've never liked to answer questions quickly. It takes me a while to come up with any answer, even longer to come up with a non-stupid one. 

I can't do debates. Like, at all. I just freeze up. I hate being put on the spot.

I'm sure I seem dumb to other people. I find it hard to follow along with conversations, especially in groups. By the time I've come up with something to say, we've already moved on. I don't say much, and when I do I always seem to say the wrong thing.

I end up thinking about the conversations afterwards, realising all the things I could've said. There's a French phrase for that: l'esprit de l'escalier[1]. The spirit of the staircase. The great response that comes to you at the bottom of the stairs as you walk away.

It annoys me (and probably the person I'm speaking with), but there is some benefit to slowing down. If I have a longer time to think about it, I know I'll say what I actually think, rather than some knee-jerk reaction I've had cached in my brain for who knows how long.

People say I seem like a completely different person over text than in real life. I know my written responses are a lot better than my spoken ones, and I'm fine with that. I'd rather say something meaningful, even if it takes a bit longer.
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[0] A Society That Lost Focus,
https://ploum.net/2024-03-18-lost-focus.html
[1] There is an English word for this, 'afterwit', but I don't think it's that common.

There's a quote I'm thinking of: "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter". It's been attributed to so many people, so I'm not sure who first said it. Blaise Pascal, maybe.