title: the urge to delete

date created: 2025.06.13
last modified: 2025.06.13

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Infocide: disengaging from the internet via the deletion of all your publicly available information

I've had so many accounts that I've taken down. I've burnt old diaries and notes, deleted photos from my phone, and torn up old mementos.

I regret getting rid of some things. Others I've never thought about again.

Having information about me out there that doesn't match my current sense of self bothers me. The main feeling in the moment of deletion is "this isn't me". Or really, "I don't want this to be me". I don't want to be seen like this, even if I know no one's really looking.

I feel held back by my past, though there's nothing really bad I've done. Still, the fact that there's a record, that other people remember, makes me feel like I can't change. 

"The 'old me' is an established figure. Look at all this evidence, these memories. That is who I am. If I were to start acting differently, people would think there was something wrong".

Don't worry, I'm not planning to delete this site anytime soon. I want to get over this, and maybe is my first step. I don't need to disappear from my own timeline to move forwards. Sure, I'm frozen in other people's memories, but ice melts, and people change.

...

I recently watched a short film called 'The Personality Machine'[0]. I don't want to spoil it completely for you, but it's relevant, and I'd recommend you watch it.

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[0]  https://youtu.be/G5vAWcxs9Ok

Came across this quote after writing this:
"Perhaps the greatest act of self-preservation is to relinquish the need to control perception. To accept that we will be misunderstood. That our image will be refracted a thousand different ways through a thousand different minds, and none of them will ever be entirely accurate.

To be human is to be misperceived. To be human is to exist as a multiplicity, an ever-shifting reflection in the eyes of others. And maybe that's not a tragedy. Maybe that's just part of the strange, beautiful, terrifying experience of existence."
https://lettersbylau.substack.com/p/the-irrevocable-fear-of-being-perceived